Depression, anxiety & obsessive-compulsive disorder

My second trimester was pretty rocky and as guilty as I feel for saying this next bit, I didn’t really enjoy it at all. The exception being the baby’s little kicks and punches, they always made me smile. I suffered with depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Having already experienced anxiety, evidently I was prone to it reoccurring (even if it did bring some unwanted friends along) during my pregnancy. I kept thinking I was fine; I’ve been through it all before, it’s just a little worse as my body is going through a major change and my hormones are just going friggin’ crazy! I hated feeling like this at the best of times and I didn’t really want to accept it as being part of my pregnancy. This was my time to really enjoy what was happening and embrace the fact I was growing a beautiful baby inside of me.
I went through a phase of guilt. I was “supposed” to be excited, joyful and feeling emotions of happiness not drowning myself in sorrow. It was emotionally draining. More so because I was in denial thinking I was fine. I thought it would be easier to do that rather than having to accept it as “it is what it is”. It was also harder as I’ve NEVER heard of any women complain about their pregnancies. Family and friends I knew who were pregnant would always be smiling with such appreciation because a baby was on the way, and always talked about everything with such excitement and grace. Before being pregnant I would think to myself how great it would be when I am pregnant, but also how strong and brave these women were. Now my perception of these women has changed. I think they are fake, phony and liars! Undeniably, they would have faced some difficult times, so why not be honest about it? Then women like us would be more prepared and not feel worthless and overwhelmed by these involuntary emotions that take over during pregnancy.
As a result between being depressed and slowly overcoming the guilt, I was showing signs of depression and anxiety. During this time the anxiety was interfering with my sleep. I was getting approximately three hours sleep a night, with odd times sleeping through the entire evening. When people asked how the pregnancy was going I’d be emphasising my sleeping problem. Everyone was telling me that it was my body getting used to not sleeping properly for when the baby is out of the womb. I can tell you that is bullshit, I was only in my second trimester; I kept believing them, as you do, because I didn’t know any better. I remember thinking how odd it was to be so sleep deprived this early in the pregnancy. I would have thought this happened in my last trimester when the belly gets bigger and the discomfort sets in.


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